This Journey Our Life

Staying Close {Five Minute Friday}

Cami, Family, Five-minute friday, NICU, Parenting, premature birth, prematurity, Special Needs, Special Needs ParentingRachel

It’s Friday! Where a group of us join together for five minutes of writing without worrying about if it’s just right or not, hosted by the lovely Lisa-Jo.  {Yes, I realize it is actually Saturday but better late than never…right?!} 

Today is World Prematurity Day so my mind has been on Cami’s miracle birth.  These are the thoughts that came to mind when I read today’s yesterday’s Five Minute Friday prompt.

Prompt: STAY


My pace quickened with each step I walked down the gloomy hallway to greet you for the day. 

I passed through that hallway more times than I can remember, more times than I cared to count.

I witnessed you “de-sat” more times than I wish to remember and watched as you turned from your reddish pink to an oddly grayish blue. I stood back, helplessly observing as nurses and doctors raced to pump oxygen into your fragile lungs with a rubber bag.

It hurt to leave you every single night, but we had to get sleep somehow.  We were a family of three without ever living together under the same roof.

And every day the moment came when we had to say our goodbyes yet the pain never ceased.

Because to stay was to be close.

Every time I walked away from you the pain ripped through my heart, radiating through my body. 

Every time I left, my footsteps trudged slower than the day before towards the double exit doors.
Those doors offering protection. 
Those doors separating families.

Those doors ushering in parents.

I cried every time I was informed I must leave, haunted by the sobs of yet another grieving mother whose wails echoed throughout the NICU.

And selfishly in the silence of my heart I prayed for you to grow strong enough to come home.

I begged for God to let you live.

And on this day?

I pause to whisper my prayer of thanks.

Because He let you stay.


with me.